The Gluten-Free Adventures Continue

So I just recently finished my two-week trial without the wholesome and comforting embrace of our dear friend Mr. Wheat. And how did I celebrate the end of my two-weeks experiment? By gorging on cake, pie, cookies and other delicious goodies at Jeff's family get-together on the 4th of July. I suffered a stomachache and ended the night around 11:30 where I went to lay down at Jeff's brother's house (I had good company though because his brother's girlfriend was there too with a twin stomachache.) You would think after this experience I would have jumped back on the gluten-free bandwagon the very next day. You would be wrong.

I took this opportunity to experience the pleasures of wheat and unhealthy eating when Jeff place the order to Pizza Hut that Sunday night. I have to tell you that food never tasted so good in my life. The breadsticks, the veggie pizza, all tasted as if they were commissioned by an artist and a gourmet cook. I don't know if it was because I knew I shouldn't be eating it or because my taste buds had had two weeks to crave wheat. I don't know, but it was divine.

Cut to Monday morning: stomachache, bloating and a general bad feeling about myself. Bagels. From Panera. My weakness. I couldn't resist. My resolve had been noticeably weakened for two days prior and I was defenseless in Panera's clutches. I watched co-workers wandering around the building clutching these wheaty rings and I knew I was done for. I ate one. I suffered. Almost immediate bloating and.....other after-effects.

It is now Thursday and no stomachache. No wheat on Tuesday or Wednesday and this morning. All signs are pointing toward me eliminating the wheat for good. I already feel better but I know it will take a few more days for it to be out of my system. So, as of now, I may have an answer to my year and a half battle with stomachaches, GI issues and the such.

Quazy Quorn.....I am Afraid of You

A few days ago a friend of mine read my earlier post about going wheat-free and suggested Quorn products for me to try since I am also a vegetarian. (It turns out most of the Quorn offerings contain wheat, but for the sake of my blog entry I will gloss over that little factoid.)

I realized in my many, many, years of vegetarianism and eating meat-like substitutes I have never been once tempted to buy these products. They are situated quite nicely next to my beloved Morningstar Farms and Boca products, but I have never once even picked a box up and looked at it. I now know why. My inner consumer advocate was protecting me.

After my friend's suggestion I imediately did some internet research about the Quorn product line and was met by glowing reviews of its taste by everyone who has eaten them. Everyone raved about their realistic meat-like taste and overall deliciousness. I delved a little deeper into my research and tried to get to the bottom of the question of the day: what exactly IS Quorn?

The answer my friends, is mycoprotein.

It turns out we have the hysteria of the 1950's to thank for the discovery of this strain of mycoprotein. Apparently, the scientific community at the time was afraid that the world was about to embark on a major protein famine that would most likely hit by the 1970's and they were on a race to find a new food to nourish the world. A scientist in Britain found the new miracle protein in a field. A strain of fungus, not a mushroom mind you, but a small strain of fungus was found to be edible. The scientist community then propogated this fungus in labs and created food made from this miracle stuff. They scooped it up and shaped it into the familiar shapes we all know and love; the nugget, the patty and the "finger." It was christened "Quorn" and all of Europe fell in love with it. (With a little help from Marlow Foods a subsidiary of Astra-Zeneca, the pharmaceutical company.)

It wasn't introduced in the US until 2002 to much brouhaha. Gardenburger and the other meat analogue companies balked at having this created food next to their mashed up patties. They cited the fact that Quorn labeled its product "mushroom in origin" which is untrue. Granted a mycoprotein is a fungus and a mushroom is also a fungus but that is where the similarity ends. Marlow Foods thought if they told consumers the real truth about where their surprisingly realistic, yet meat-free chicken patties came from they wouldn't want it. I don't know about you, but the idea of vat-grown fungus in a sterile laboratory by scientists does not sound appealing to me so I would say they thought correctly. Quorn relented and it is now listed as being mycoprotein in origin.

Despite the fact that my beloved soy-based, meat-analogue patties are just as processed as a Twinkie, the idea of eating this created food thouroughly creeps me out. I just cannot get over it. It seems like something out of a science fiction movie. At least with Boca and Morningstar Farms and the other soy-based foods I have a frame of reference. I can look outside my living room window and see a field blooming with soy. I can ea an edamame pod and imagine it ground up and made into a burger. It is real and came from the earth as a food. Mycoprotein, as far as I know, was never meant to be food or anything except Mother Earth's bellybutton lint.