Quazy Quorn.....I am Afraid of You

A few days ago a friend of mine read my earlier post about going wheat-free and suggested Quorn products for me to try since I am also a vegetarian. (It turns out most of the Quorn offerings contain wheat, but for the sake of my blog entry I will gloss over that little factoid.)

I realized in my many, many, years of vegetarianism and eating meat-like substitutes I have never been once tempted to buy these products. They are situated quite nicely next to my beloved Morningstar Farms and Boca products, but I have never once even picked a box up and looked at it. I now know why. My inner consumer advocate was protecting me.

After my friend's suggestion I imediately did some internet research about the Quorn product line and was met by glowing reviews of its taste by everyone who has eaten them. Everyone raved about their realistic meat-like taste and overall deliciousness. I delved a little deeper into my research and tried to get to the bottom of the question of the day: what exactly IS Quorn?

The answer my friends, is mycoprotein.

It turns out we have the hysteria of the 1950's to thank for the discovery of this strain of mycoprotein. Apparently, the scientific community at the time was afraid that the world was about to embark on a major protein famine that would most likely hit by the 1970's and they were on a race to find a new food to nourish the world. A scientist in Britain found the new miracle protein in a field. A strain of fungus, not a mushroom mind you, but a small strain of fungus was found to be edible. The scientist community then propogated this fungus in labs and created food made from this miracle stuff. They scooped it up and shaped it into the familiar shapes we all know and love; the nugget, the patty and the "finger." It was christened "Quorn" and all of Europe fell in love with it. (With a little help from Marlow Foods a subsidiary of Astra-Zeneca, the pharmaceutical company.)

It wasn't introduced in the US until 2002 to much brouhaha. Gardenburger and the other meat analogue companies balked at having this created food next to their mashed up patties. They cited the fact that Quorn labeled its product "mushroom in origin" which is untrue. Granted a mycoprotein is a fungus and a mushroom is also a fungus but that is where the similarity ends. Marlow Foods thought if they told consumers the real truth about where their surprisingly realistic, yet meat-free chicken patties came from they wouldn't want it. I don't know about you, but the idea of vat-grown fungus in a sterile laboratory by scientists does not sound appealing to me so I would say they thought correctly. Quorn relented and it is now listed as being mycoprotein in origin.

Despite the fact that my beloved soy-based, meat-analogue patties are just as processed as a Twinkie, the idea of eating this created food thouroughly creeps me out. I just cannot get over it. It seems like something out of a science fiction movie. At least with Boca and Morningstar Farms and the other soy-based foods I have a frame of reference. I can look outside my living room window and see a field blooming with soy. I can ea an edamame pod and imagine it ground up and made into a burger. It is real and came from the earth as a food. Mycoprotein, as far as I know, was never meant to be food or anything except Mother Earth's bellybutton lint.

Update: No-Fun Food

I am a week into my gluten-free experiment and so far there have been no stomachaches or general crappy feelings. So sadly, I must admit, maybe it really IS wheat that is the culprit in my myriad of GI complaints.

The week started out shaky as I ate a salad with my all-time favorite salad dressing (Annie's Naturals Goddess dressing)and lo and behold, it contains soy sauce and yep......you guessed it, soy sauce contains wheat. I also made a super-delicious Thai peanut stir fry with peanut sauce that also contained soy sauce, ergo wheat. It has been a challenge for me to continue healthy eating while on this plan since whole grains have long been a staple of my vegetarian diet and the soy-based meat substitutes I am addicted to all contain wheat as a binder. I found I was eating easy to grab snack food that I normally don't eat (such as potato chips, etc.) because I know they don't contain gluten and I wouldn't have to cook an elaborate meal.

So, I think I hit my stride yesterday with my meals. I was able to make easy meals that were nutritious and low-calorie:

breakfast: 1 cup. plain *oatmeal with 1/4 cup of dried fruit and 8 almonds
1 Yoplait light yogurt

lunch: 1 c. of vegetarian chili
1 cup of DeBoles corn-based spaghetti
1/4 c. shredded cheese

dinner: salad with caesar dressing
edamame in pods
small baked potato with light sour cream

snack: handful of mixed nuts

Now, if I can only eat this everyday I will be fine. Bored, but fine. Tomorrow a new challenge will be presented as Jeff and I were invited to go out to eat with friends of his and they picked...Doantelli's. Good thing they have a gluten-free pizza there. I hope it tastes just as good as their others but something tells me it won't.


* re: oatmeal: I know a lot of people who cannot eat gluten do not eat oats and oatmeal because it may be cross-contaminated by wheat. I have chosen to forgo this notion since I do not have celiac disease (as far as I know) and I am on a restrictive enough diet as it is.

No-Fun Food

I am about to embark on an odyssey that sounds like about as much fun as an Amish quilting bee. Due to ongoing stomach issues, my doctor has told me I need to eliminate wheat for two whole weeks. And yes, I have had to do this before, but let me be honest here; I wasn't that diligent.

I attempted this last January and I lasted about a week. This was mostly due to the fact that wheat is in EVERYTHING. In fact it most likely is found in trace amounts on the keyboard I am currently using. It is that insidious. I realized this as I was wandering the aisles of Hy-Vee desperately looking for a salad dressing that didn't include derivatives of ol'wheaty. I spent about twice my food budget on wheat-like substitutes like waffles and pizza dough. And in case you were wondering, they taste nothing like the real deal. After suffering the indignity of paying $8 for a package of 4 frozen waffles and realizing they tasted like wet cardboard, I was done with this experiment.

So, here I am again, and this time I am going to give it the full two weeks. I am determined to get to the bottom of my stomach issues and I need to grow up and be an adult. I suppose this would be easier if I wasn't a food addict. I think about food from the morning I wake up until I go to bed. This isn't just because I am fat, I genuinely like to cook and enjoy the sensations of eating. (I remember I once read an article that said people with ADHD tend to have food issues and are overweight because they crave the constant stimulation that eating provides. See? It's not really my fault.)

I think I will embark on this journey next Monday. I want to enjoy pizza at the Wow Zone today and Jeff mentioned going to Donatelli's this Saturday. It would be a crime to go to Donatelli's, (which was featured on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives on the Food Network), and not have pizza and pasta. Who drives 100 miles to a famous Italian joint only to have a salad? I mean, please.

I will keep you updated on my progress, and on Monday I will have a delcious dinner consisting of air and disappointment.